Revelation

Some say 'don't look back for we have already been there; rather, look forward in the direction you wish to pursue.' No reason to dwell on past experiences, losses, hardships, or haunted memories. I say, 'only look back when you are ready to open your eyes to the bigger picture.'  Its not about what went wrong, but how you were able to grow from that moment. If that moment was one day or a decade, you may find the key that can unlock the door to your dreams and goals. When you are confidence is strong, grab that key and turn the handle, its time to take what you've been working for.

My little video camera got dusted off this weekend and inside were treasures galore. Old videos from 2010, 2011 and 2012. These three years each held large events in my life; marriage, pregnancy, and the arrival of Kesler Joe Smart.  When I looked closely, I could see these stages being expressed through body language as I rode. Isn't that odd? As if I were an artist and the horses were my canvas, I painted images so intricately my body mimicked the feelings I remembered having in and out of the arena.  Holding my breath, my heart aching and yearning while I portrayed my nerves from desire to desperation.  The ups and downs have made me realize that the happy ending I dreamed about was here.  I found my confidence.  

Most of us have been running barrels for many years, a good amount of us have been doing it since we were little girls.  For me, its been 29 years since I won my first buckle.  I will turn 32 this year.  Riding horses is my sixth sense.  As a little girl, I was at the top of my game, and once I gained a few pounds and my legs passed the saddle pad, I was unstoppable.  When puberty hit and high school came, the Jandee I remember was gone.  My talent, my brain, and my confidence packed their bags and left me dumb.  We tried everything from cutting to dressage lessons.  I fought myself, my mom, my horses and it was miserable for all.  During college, I made the finals in the breakaway.  It was time for a change.  Little did I know, she came to me in a hot little sorrel package with a wicked first barrel. 

Colonels April Smoke changed the miserable feeling in my stomach while walking in to make a run.  I can not even begin to address the horrible and negative vibes that stole my heart away leaving an empty shell behind.  I had kicked my ass so many times it left dimples.  Ok, well maybe those were really caused by Kesler, but he cant take the blame for everything, can he??  The point being, April taught me what it was like to have fun again. Then she taught me how to win.  Damn, we were one hell of a pair.

It had been a long time since I had built such a strong relationship with a horse. I began to trust myself.  However, I knew my work was only beginning.  Becoming a competitor again helped me realize how much work was needed physically and mentally in order to be a winner.  The win isn't as important to me as being a true, honest winner. It began with simply listening to those who I respected in the industry and started listening to my mom's advice.  Overtime I learned to address my weakest components without allowing it to be a negative factor.  I quit watching videos of my ugly runs to keep from having the visual stuck in my head. Focusing in on that muscle memory I have referred to, and keeping a positive mental visual began to strengthen both areas.  I even read articles and books on the mental aspects of sports not only applying them to barrel racing, but life as well.  Afterall, life is a competition and we all step in the same horse shit.

April was definitely a gift in my life, for more ways then one.  One of the greatest was helping me walk into an arena with happiness and dissipated the fear I once knew.  Walking in to make a run is not an easy feat and obviously April never really walked in, more like sashayed, sometimes leaping.  I even felt so good I would blow bubbles with my gum running the first.  Finding the tools to start a run successful can be dependent on what is underneath the saddle, but finding the tools to get the head right are very attainable.

Aprils Tip: Find a positive component to work on during a run.  For instance, "lift my hand,"  "sit down,"  "inside leg" are all simple and easy factors that most of us utilize during a run. April could hear me from the time I saddled, during my warm-up, to the point where we running to the first barrel say to myself over and over "pick up."  It was my key component and ultimately turned the looming negative thought of "just don't hit a barrel," into dust.