Revelation

Some say 'don't look back for we have already been there; rather, look forward in the direction you wish to pursue.' No reason to dwell on past experiences, losses, hardships, or haunted memories. I say, 'only look back when you are ready to open your eyes to the bigger picture.'  Its not about what went wrong, but how you were able to grow from that moment. If that moment was one day or a decade, you may find the key that can unlock the door to your dreams and goals. When you are confidence is strong, grab that key and turn the handle, its time to take what you've been working for.

My little video camera got dusted off this weekend and inside were treasures galore. Old videos from 2010, 2011 and 2012. These three years each held large events in my life; marriage, pregnancy, and the arrival of Kesler Joe Smart.  When I looked closely, I could see these stages being expressed through body language as I rode. Isn't that odd? As if I were an artist and the horses were my canvas, I painted images so intricately my body mimicked the feelings I remembered having in and out of the arena.  Holding my breath, my heart aching and yearning while I portrayed my nerves from desire to desperation.  The ups and downs have made me realize that the happy ending I dreamed about was here.  I found my confidence.  

Most of us have been running barrels for many years, a good amount of us have been doing it since we were little girls.  For me, its been 29 years since I won my first buckle.  I will turn 32 this year.  Riding horses is my sixth sense.  As a little girl, I was at the top of my game, and once I gained a few pounds and my legs passed the saddle pad, I was unstoppable.  When puberty hit and high school came, the Jandee I remember was gone.  My talent, my brain, and my confidence packed their bags and left me dumb.  We tried everything from cutting to dressage lessons.  I fought myself, my mom, my horses and it was miserable for all.  During college, I made the finals in the breakaway.  It was time for a change.  Little did I know, she came to me in a hot little sorrel package with a wicked first barrel. 

Colonels April Smoke changed the miserable feeling in my stomach while walking in to make a run.  I can not even begin to address the horrible and negative vibes that stole my heart away leaving an empty shell behind.  I had kicked my ass so many times it left dimples.  Ok, well maybe those were really caused by Kesler, but he cant take the blame for everything, can he??  The point being, April taught me what it was like to have fun again. Then she taught me how to win.  Damn, we were one hell of a pair.

It had been a long time since I had built such a strong relationship with a horse. I began to trust myself.  However, I knew my work was only beginning.  Becoming a competitor again helped me realize how much work was needed physically and mentally in order to be a winner.  The win isn't as important to me as being a true, honest winner. It began with simply listening to those who I respected in the industry and started listening to my mom's advice.  Overtime I learned to address my weakest components without allowing it to be a negative factor.  I quit watching videos of my ugly runs to keep from having the visual stuck in my head. Focusing in on that muscle memory I have referred to, and keeping a positive mental visual began to strengthen both areas.  I even read articles and books on the mental aspects of sports not only applying them to barrel racing, but life as well.  Afterall, life is a competition and we all step in the same horse shit.

April was definitely a gift in my life, for more ways then one.  One of the greatest was helping me walk into an arena with happiness and dissipated the fear I once knew.  Walking in to make a run is not an easy feat and obviously April never really walked in, more like sashayed, sometimes leaping.  I even felt so good I would blow bubbles with my gum running the first.  Finding the tools to start a run successful can be dependent on what is underneath the saddle, but finding the tools to get the head right are very attainable.

Aprils Tip: Find a positive component to work on during a run.  For instance, "lift my hand,"  "sit down,"  "inside leg" are all simple and easy factors that most of us utilize during a run. April could hear me from the time I saddled, during my warm-up, to the point where we running to the first barrel say to myself over and over "pick up."  It was my key component and ultimately turned the looming negative thought of "just don't hit a barrel," into dust.

The strong get tougher

When you go through a losing spell, there seems to be nothing harder, more consuming then the feeling of disappointment.  It can encompass your world, evaporate your confidence, and make you wish to never walk in an arena again.  Walking back to the trailer, head down, trying to determine 'Was it me? Was it my horse?'  We start analyzing every detail and manage to talk hours about a run that was only 18 seconds long.  Regaining your stride together takes a good combination of training, riding, and mental preparation. The winnings will start rolling in once consistency of good positive habits are established.  Note that when I say 'positive' I'm referring to anything that will make you or your horse better competitors.  I work hard to learn how to be better and do better, to be the very best possible version of myself, and although I may fall here and there, I keep trying.  That's 'Cowgirl' to me.

If you have rode with me recently, you have heard me spout off about conquering your mental game.  It's not just about 'Think Positive.' Sure I can think positive, the sun will come up tomorrow, I will get it the next time, blah blah,much like traditional motivational posters you find in a school gym.  The sport of barrel racing isn't just about ourselves as an individual; we have an equine partner that encompasses more than 3/4 of our brains.  Add multiple horses or futurity horses and the amount of focus points adds up. Which reminds to mention I'm pretty excited for my little red corvette and plan on sending off entries for the 2014 Sand Cup Futurity!!

Keeping myself focused in the mind and body enables me to make the correct reaction quickly if my horse gets out of position.  I have yet to perfect my approach every run.  Usually on my first barrel with Stella it takes a few runs on the same size course to be able to get it right, and I'm working on becoming more consistent with this.  She has turned me into an honest rider.  It's annoyingly wonderful and has me completely consumed with feeling my muscles react and actually accomplish what my brain says to.  So many times I would swear I picked my hand up, and so many times the video showed me not doing what I swore I did, or thought about doing.  Or knowing I used my inside leg only to find out my foot was inches off.  This is when I started focusing on good positive habits.  I began to ride every horse, make every turn, exactly how I wanted in my head.  I strengthened my body and positioned myself correct in every turn so when I walked in an the arena, under pressure, my body would react with well-balanced muscle memory.   For years I've been working on what my mind was thinking, and even longer to make this mind and body connection.  Now that I am seeing the results, it makes me eager to go even further.

Going through a tough time in the arena is never fun, but if you are willing to learn and work hard, success can be achieved.  There are always lessons to be learned and within every athlete lies multiple steps and stages.  Training, competitions, diet, traveling, diet while traveling, are just a fraction of the responsibilities we have to master and there are always new and better ideas.  If you legitimately love to learn or teach, then I want to ride with you.  I am the girl who took summer school during college, because I wanted to.  The knowledge I gained riding various horses and riding with numerous others;  some even in other fields such as dressage, cutting, jumping, etc., have been the leading tools in my own personal success. Being able to share this with fellow barrel racers and helping them succeed never gets old.

There is something to be said about those barrel racers who last around the industry through their old ages.  They have learned to make winners and ride winners.  The strongest in talent and mental toughness combined makes for beautiful watching.  And I love watching beautiful runs.

Take some time to learn your mind, teach yourself to relax and keeping focus on 3 barrels, you, your horse.  

She works hard for the money

When life is complicated, its good to let off some of the load. I have a bad habit of running too fast to keep up with life, stressing over financing, turning away from opportunities because I won't risk the thought of not clearing the book at the end of a weekend. It can take away the joy in simple pleasures, like having my husband and baby eat lunch at work with me, or feeling a colt work great for the first time. These weeks are tough on this girl. We work long hours in wacky weather, I wreak like a diesel mechanic (no offense) for days, I miss my family and home from 5am to 9pm, and I can't even set my ass in a saddle. 

There are days that I know how much the simple act of just walking around on a nice horse is true happiness. All of a sudden my mind clears and the stress just disappears and its me and her hanging out.  Stella knows me, and I can feel her. Its a true form of building a strong relationship, knowing and trusting each other through ups and downs and everything in between. I said to someone this week after Steve and Kesler arrived, "Now if I just had my horse...."

Good luck to everyone his weekend at the Greg Olsen. Hope everything goes as planned and we will be able to attend the PacWest and BBR American Qualifier race next weekend :)

I am now officially the designated driver of two new "Ride Smart" students.

A few years ago I would have just been getting over a good hangover, it was always a good time so it had to be a good one.  And this....is a good hangover.  I may had been the only one having fun running barrels on New Years Eve, hell I was proud to be doing it.  Loved it.  Didn't love the cold though, and when I saw my photo from the novice class Tuesday night, I thought I was drunk and didn't know it.  Seeing as how I don't drink hardly at all, my attempt to try to set a barrel on Big Mac must of been the last little "can-do" attitude I could muster out.  In reality, I felt like a mom when I heard the voice in my head, "what are you stupid?"

Needless to say the barrel went down but I stayed on, so I win another day.

What a barrel race these past two days.  Run2Win's Rockin' In The New Year Race was a huge success for the Northern California associations.  630 or so Open riders, and at leasst 800 overall runs this weekend, great ground, great stalls, (Oh hey Sharra, are there any stalls available now??) AMAZING announcer, (I'm partial), staff who will work their asses off, (Jack told me he didn't have one to work off).  Mandy has done a great job busting the Rolling Hills Casino in the butt getting that facility prepared for this and she stuck around till the bitter end to collect that pretty buckle Stan the Man won.  When you mix talent and work, it makes for success.  Love it.  Drives me.

Speaking of success, did anyone see that little red rocket Tuesday night? Holy cow that dude can move for being about as big as my dog.  I had so much fun that night on him I made sure I was ready to fix some corrections Wednesday night and that little speed racer still picked up 1st in the 2d futurity side pot.  Which by the way, yayyy for a futurity program close to home!!  It made staying home from Arizona a little easier.  And made making plans to get down there for the Pac West Race and BBR American Qualifier, more of a reality for me.  Thank you Stella.  Thank you Mom for keeping the boy so I could concentrate on the horses.  Thank you Karly, Deanna, and Elizabeth for helping me with the hurd.  Thank you Kesler for being so cute.  Thank you Steve for talking to your woman and telling her what she needed to hear, Woman=Stella, she loves him.  Like literally loves him.  I usually ask him to blanket her, because she bites me and tries to kick me.  I love her.

And a great big thanks to James Gradney for putting some rims on Stella's hind end to help her stay on her ass without slipping.  Lameaway for being their to help her muscle soreness.  Cathy Ruda for treating her as if she were your own, well maybe better then at times.  On Monday, Stella's gaskin was big and as hard as a rock.  She wasn't off, and at least 10 of us all saw the same thing.  I dropped her off that night, took her girl pills, and a butt load of grain.  And she outran even my ass on the first barrel come Wednesday.  I love her.

The kicker is, I talked about arena resolutions, and resolutions, and I met some of my own.  I have been focusing on my hand placement every day, on every horse, in every drill, since Chowchilla.  And damn it felt good seeing some results.  I wasn't perfect, my shin reminds me of that, but I saw a great start to a better habit.  And I wanted to start writing more, look at me now.

A little fun grammatical usage of the word 'And' at the beginning of a sentence, for no more then 4 in a row, always makes me want to raise an eyebrow in a matter of fact sort of way.

I may be more proud of the two girls mom and I had been working with, and the horses carrying our brand.  Karley Pedley and Buzzie won their first big check, entered their first "BIG" barrel race, heck she tried to throw her saddle on when we pulled up Tuesday.  I said, "Oh, you may want to put that back, we are gonna be a while."  Great kid, who just wants to be a barrel racer.  Do you, remember those days?  I do, try to grab it every once in awhile its enlightening.  Elizabeth Browning has been coming over riding her little gelding, and Sunday at the Run2Win Headquarters she had her get on Georgia for a spin.  Elizabeth and Georgia ran two, clean, consistent and very nice 16.0s.  Lady and Candace Zappetini placed 6th Tuesday night in the 1d, and Dally and Kristel Ising with their beautiful 15.5 Wednesday, Ryon and Sasha for their 3d win in the Novice Tuesday and a big improvement on the first the second day.  Good job ladies.

I hope everyone had a fun, safe, --Mom--, New Years and put a step forward for a great year.  Hello 2014, ya ready?

BCR Stella Bella
Rolling Hills Casino & Run2Win
15.139 Fast time of weekend.
Click here to watch BCR Stella Bella and Jandee Smart's winning run.

Resolutions in the arena

It's that time of year again, the time where you start talking about changes and resolutions.  Its an annual habit for people to start thinking about a fresh start in a new year.  You hear lots of physical resolutions such as "I want to lose weight," "I want to be healthier," to life goals "I want to save money," "I want to go screaming fast on an 1100 pound animal and hope the som-bitch turns that barrel."  Okay, maybe not so much the last one.  I wonder how many make performance resolutions, "I want to work on cleaning up my second barrel."  "I want to work on fixing my horses gate issues,"  "I want work on my mental game when I enter the arena."  I may be the person who will make a starting point for a diet, New Years is just the right time for that, but I am constantly making performance resolutions.  Barrel racing is not always perfect, winning runs aren't necessarily the most correct, and I'm not the competitor that feels a win allows me to not notice the errors.  I crave being the best, I want to be the 'Neo' of barrel racing.  I realize that a perfect pattern doesn't come around that often.  I can remember my favorite second barrel, favorite first barrels but it's nearly impossible to remember an entire run.

Accomplishing resolutions comes from setting and meeting goals and expectations.  For instance if my resolution for next year is to make into the top 20 of the world, then I will setup individual goals to help my progress and obtaining the end result.  These range anywhere from learning how to enter rodeos for my advantage to saving money for trips.  Giving myself individual goals keeps my focus positive and allows for progression.   Keeping goals simple and precise will also help in reaching desired results.  "Keep my hand up around barrel"  "Sit balanced on questionable ground"  "Write sponsor letters"

What will your arena resolution be for the year?  The next month? The next jackpot? 

Winning Friendships in a Competitive Sport

There were two little girls, Marie and Michelle, who became friends through the love and passion of horses.  They met through their fathers' friendship and the two blonde headed little girls began learning much about each other as they rode together most everyday after school and on the weekends at competitions.  Being new to the horse world, Michelle was there learning all there was about the sport of barrel racing.  Her farther felt that it was a good idea to invest in a younger horse, one that Michelle could begin a relationship with and together grow in the arena.  With the help of Marie's mother, who had the eye for horses and matching them with the right rider, Michelle's father purchased her new horse.  Although the cute little bay mare named Mercedes was a tad young and a bit green, they felt that with the help from Marie and her mother the match just might work.  No one knew exactly how powerful the duo would be, but only time could tell. 

It didn't take long before magic happened and the two were headed down the road winning saddles and titles galore.  Soon Michelle and Mercedes were pictured on the covers of many lucrative magazines, articles were written, and everyone knew their name. As their popularity grew, the friendship between the two girls became distance.  Marie became very jealous of Michelle and at times would be, well, a little mean to her.  Being a teenager didn't help, and that jealousy grew inside of her with every accolade Michelle collected.  The girls no longer were friends.

Life began teaching it's lessons that couldn't be changed or forgotten and as it did so, Marie realized how unfair she had been with their friendship.  To have allowed that green monster to come between them was a mistake, something that she learned the hard way but a big lesson non-the-less.  It became clear that she needed to make amends, thankfully not falling on deaf ears, and it didn't take long before the girls regained their bond as friends.  Although this story had a happy ending, many aren't as lucky.

It is hard to gain and strengthen friendships throughout the stages of life.  Most of us have one or two friends that have been around since young ages, maybe a few more from the teenage years, and a handful, with any luck, from the good ol' college days.  By the time we reach adulthood, we have had hardships with the loss of friends and are lucky to have a few good ones still standing next to us.  Now add the fact that most of these friends are competitors in the same arena, weekend after weekend, all striving for that win.  How do we as barrel racers gain friendships, and even more importantly, make them last?  This seems to be a tougher question than 'What is the meaning of life.'

The story above is obviously a true story of my own, a story that held the biggest lesson I ever learned in this sport.  I realized that true friends do not merely stand behind you, but beside you, as many times those winnings can come to both.  We all want to win, but watching your pal succeed and win can be fulfilling in another way.  The ups and downs of this sport are fast and humbling; one day you and your horse are champions with heads held high, the next day your horse runs up the fence and leaves an empty hole.  We are not just working with ourselves everyday in the pen, but with an animal who undoubtedly has a mind of it's own.  We can't always count on them, so who do we count on to be there when the cards fall, the chips are down, when we are left stranded on the side of the road after a long weekend of shit, a blown trailer tire, and about 5$ in our bank account? Family, most certainly, as long as it's not the husband pissed that all his hard work just went down the drain with that 3rd barrel laying on it's side.  Our mothers, who are often just as pissed because all they want is us to do well and they feel that same upset stomach as we do.  Just as important, our friends, who will be laughing with us as two girls try to change a tire in the middle of the night, hoping the lugnuts match the only wrench in the truck. Did I mention it was raining and 30 degrees out?? :)

That's what friends do though.  They don't yell because it's not their joint bank account, they aren't upset because you certainly aren't their child, but they bring laughter to an otherwise murky day. They listen when you tell for the umpteenth time every detail of that 15 second run.  They offer advice when they can, different bits when one is in need, and even at times, their good rodeo horse when ours walks out of the stall on 3 legs right before that big race.  Most importantly, they walk around Salinas rodeo screaming "I'm with the champion"  even though all you did was place in a go round.  They get drunk with you after a weekend of bad runs, come sliding into the bar on their knees just to make you smile, and make sure you get your ass back in the saddle the next day.  These, these are my friends and I'm proud of each of them.  I would never be the person and the competitor that I am today without their support, withouth them being honest with me and telling me I'm in the wrong, without, well basically, without them.

Can 2011 be my time only for 2012??

Time Only....a word that everyone in the barrel industry knows thoroughly.  For the outside world, it is basically a getting to do your practice run in another place other then where you should be.  Some live off of them, these are the girls who are always in line, without fail, every jackpot with at least 3 tickets on the same poor bastard thats been running barrels long enough to know the pattern with or without their rider.  I find this group amusing and always wonder if they use this principle throughout their life outside of the arena.  Can they use it at work? Have a mock meeting with the president of the company before the real one? Have a pretend date before the date? Hell, do they have sex before the sex?? Now that wouldn't be bad at all, but I just can't help but wonder if we are not allowed a pre-run in life, what makes barrel racers think they need one in the arena?


As we approach the upcoming New Year and all the resolutions are being made, I wonder if each year we put in the past could be seen as a "Time Only" for the upcoming year? If we purchase a time only, the best use we get would be to know what needs to be done in our run.  We take into consideration how the ground felt, how the arena was set up, the way our horse felt, how did the bit work, how did we feel....etc. So in return, if we purchased 2011 for our time only, what factors come into play when we go to make our run in 2012?  At a barrel race, we have a few hours to contemplate these factors, but in life we have years of challenges that are put in our past and either forgotten or never forgiven. 


As this year comes to a close, I realize it has been one of the most trivial years I can remember.  The tears have ran down my cheek more freely from life's dirty games.  The struggles have seemingly outweighed the triumphs, and yet the successful moments were still of great magnitude.  Relationships that have grown stronger helped eased the pain of those that faded away.  I feel as if I'm in a rut, the bottom of the drag and the drive to get out is weak.  The past 3 months have been, to say the least, emotionally draining. In order to make my run in 2012 count, I need to really push myself now.  I'm in small indoor pen and have to drive with all I can to make it clean. 

For the upcoming year I have made some very indepth goals.  There are changes that I need to make to improve my quality of life, my marriage, my relationships, and my goals.  Nothing has been as big, or as scary, as starting the New Year with a baby growing inside me.  With this pregnancy there has been some very challenging games my mind has been playing with.  I've been accused of being unhappy and negative  by some, and they weren't far off.  I'm not one of those "happy to be pregnant" types, I've put a lot of plans on hold, been drained emotionally and for the most part just wishing I could get back to normal.  I feel like the poor bastard horse that is still standing in line for time onlies. 

 For my 2012, I make the resolution to start living life.  Quit putting things off till tomorrow, which is actually the reason for this blog.  I have always wanted to write, and been told to pursue it more, but always put it off.  It's been a while, so I apologize that this isn't my best but with a little practice they will be great reading!  Steve and I have also resolved to stop allowing so many disturbances in our life, ie Facebook, television, computer games.  I want to eat healthier, live healthier, and feel healthy.  I want to keep in touch with my friends more, learn to dial a phone number rather then just sending a text message. 

What did you learn in your 2011 time only? Are there big changes coming or are you at the point where you feel you are ready to make that run?  Wherever you may be, I wish all of you the best of the upcoming year.  Have faith in yourself and maybe lay off those crutching time onlies.  Make the best of what you do in and out of the arena, but most importantly, enjoy life. 
Happy 2012~~